A Beauty and A Singing Beggar
Once upon time there was a girl who had beautiful face named Beauty. She lived with her
parents. She was the only child of her parents. Her father was a king in that city. She was always taught to be a good princess by her mom. The Beauty liked sang and
danced so much. She had a beautiful voice. She sang whenever she felt sad or happy.
However, The Beauty’s life was not safe because there was a witch who wanted
her beauty. That’s why Beauty’s
parents didn’t allow the Beauty to go outside. They were afraid the witch would catch her. T he Beauty didn’t
believe about that.
One day Beauty was bored. She went outside without her
parents’ permission. She went to the market. She found some
things new in that area. She saw seller, waiter, and many others. She just knew
about the market. Then her sight was interested to something. She saw a singing
beggar. There were two mens. One of them rapped and the other men did beat. She
went to there and kept watching to them. She was glad to see that so, she joined them
by singing and dancing. A few minutes later,Beauty asked about their name.
Their name were John
and Beat. They had good talking each other. The Beauty impressed to the Beat
and Beat too.
Suddenly , there was a old lady that catched the Beauty.
There was a witch. John and Beat tried to help her but they couldn’t because
the witch was very fast. They knew where the witch go. The
witch went to her house where in the forest. The witch laid down the
Beauty. She took blood and fingernail of the Beauty. The Beauty cried for
asking help and she felt tired. The Beauty collapsed. The witch was able to
take the beauty of The Beauty.
Meanwhile
Beauty’s parents were worry about her daughter. They asked servants to found
Beauty. The Witch wanted to kill Beauty but they were coming. John tried to
kill the Witch and Beat took the Beauty. John got hurt in his chest but he
could kill the Witch. John and Beat went away from that place. After that, they
met the servants. The servants catched John and Beat because they thought John
and Beat catched the Beauty.
In the
castle, Beauty’s parents cured the Beauty. Then the Beauty woke up. She told what just happen to her and she told
that John and Beat saved her. Beauty’s parents didn’t believe about John and
Beat. They persuade his daughter not to meet them anymore. A few days later,
the Beauty tried to make them free. She didn’t care about the servants who kept
them. She took knife. If there was anybody to prevent her, she would kill them.
The Beauty met John and Beat and saved them. They escaped from that castle
included the Beauty. However Beauty’s mom knew about that. The Beauty didn’t
get away from John and Beat. She would kill anybody who prevent her. In the end,
Beauty’s mom allowed her daughter to meet them.
Some month
laters, John went to a city where met his parents lived. Beauty and Beat spent
time together. They sang and dance everytime they met. Beat became famous and
Beauty became a singer and a princess too. They falt in love each other. They
got married and lived forever after.
what a nice story, i enjoy it. but there are sentence/word should be fix.
ReplyDelete1. don’t forget to use punctuation
ex: One day Beauty was bored(p2,L1).it should "one-day,...."
2.catched- (caught)
rapped (p2,L4) -wrapped.
laters -(later)
falt - (fell)
3. you always repeated word "beauty" (As a main characters) you can say "she/her"
GOOD JOB :)
ok ....thanks for your comment epi.
Deleteyour story is cool, you are creative, but there are some mistakes in your story. for instance :
ReplyDeletein you first sentence "Once upon time there was a girl who had" you forget to take a comma after time, so it should be "Once upon time, there was a girl who had"
in the first paragraph "She was always taught to be a good.." it should be replace with "She always taught to be a good.."
"The Beauty liked sang and danced" it should be "The Beauty liked singing and dancing" because after "like" it must be followed by gerund.
in the second paragraph "One day Beauty was bored" you have to take a comma after one day, so it should be "One day, Beauty was bored"
"She saw a singing beggar. There were two mens." you told that there were two men it means she didn't see a singing beggar but two" so, it should be replace with "She saw the singing beggars. There were two men" *mens = men. men= plural from 'man'.
in the third paragraph "Meanwhile Beauty’s parents were worry about.. " you forget to take a comma after meanwhile and the grammar is wrong. it should be "Meanwhile, Beauty’s parents were worried about.."
"The Witch wanted to kill Beauty but they were coming." i think you should explain who are 'they' in this case because in your sentence before you told about Beauty's parents and servant, but in this case i see that 'they' refer to Beat ad John.
in the last paragraph "They falt in love each other. They got married and lived forever after." it should be "They felt in love each other. They got married and lived happily ever after"